One
Decide Why You’re Really Gathering
17-19 “Does it stick its neck out a little bit? Does it take a stand? Is it willing to unsettle some of the guests (or maybe the host)? Does it refuse to be everything to everyone? […]
Gatherings that are willing to be alienating—which is different from being alienating—have a better chance to dazzle. […]
Specificity is a crucial ingredient. The more focused and particular a gathering is, the more narrowly it frames itself and the more passion it arouses. […]
Before you gather, ask yourself: Why is this gathering different from all my other gatherings? Why is it different from other people’s gatherings of the same general type? What is this that other gatherings aren’t?
A good gathering purpose should also be disputable.” !!
Two
Close Doors
36 “thoughtful, considered exclusion is vital to any gathering, because over-inclusion is a symptom of deeper problems—above all, a confusion about why you are gathering and a lack of commitment to your purpose and your guests.” !!!
43 “The crux of excluding thoughtfully and intentionally is mustering the courage to keep away [people who threaten or are irrelevant to the purpose]. It is to shift your perception so that you understand that people who aren’t fulfilling the purpose of your gathering are detracting from it, even if they do nothing to detract from it. This is because once they are actually in your presence, you (and other considerate guests) will want to welcome and include them, which takes time and attention away from what (and who) you’re actually there for. Particularly in smaller gatherings, every single person affects the dynamics of a group. Excluding well and purposefully is reframing who and what you are being generous to—your guests and your purpose.” !!
53-54 “Venues come with scripts. We tend to follow rigid if unwritten scripts that we associate with specific locations. We tend to behave formally in courtrooms, boardrooms, and palaces. We bring out different sides of ourselves at the beach, the park, the nightclub.” !!
57 WENDY WOON: “The design of social space, physical space, and emotional space affects how people engage with ideas, content, and each other. […] [Y]ou must actually design a ‘space’ for exchange and also then invite participation by design” !!
62 “And a venue can and should do one further thing: displace people.
Displacement is simply about breaking people out of their habits. It is about waking people up from the slumber of their own routines.” !!
66 AN ANONYMOUS PLANNER “If you are on a picnic blanket, you will hang out around your picnic blanket. It’s not because there’s a fence around it; it’s because your picnic blanket is your mental construct. It’s not about sitting on a blanket versus sitting on the grass; it’s about claiming that mental space and making it yours and comfortable and safe.” !!
Three
Don’t Be a Chill Host
74 “hosting is inevitably an exercise of power. The hosts I guide often feel tempted to abdicate that power, and feel that by doing so they are letting their guests be free. But this abdication often fails their guests rather than serves them. The chill approach to hosting is all too often about hosts attempting to wriggle out of the burden of hosting. In gatherings, once your guests have chosen to come into your kingdom, they want to be governed—gently, respectfully, and well. When you fail to govern, you may be elevating how you want them to perceive you over how you want the gathering to go for them. Often, chill is you caring about you masquerading as you caring about them.” !!!
76-77 “[W]hen you abdicate leadership[,] [y]ou don’t eradicate power. You just hand the opportunity to take charge to someone else—in this case, the students. You are not easing their way or setting them free. You are pumping them full of confusion and anxiety.” !!!!